Put down that old scribbled sign, young man, and listen up. I'm going to do you the biggest favor of your life. Of the over six-billion humans on this grand semi-aquatic orb, I know you'll understand this message of reason and why I may be forced to take five points from the attendance portion of your grade. This is for your own good. Do you think your future employer will buy some half-baked excuse? A protest march? Oh boy, you've got quite a bit to learn about the real world. Take a seat.
Arnold Rothstein, alias Mr. Big, a fine, upstanding man, once told the world, Look out for Number One. If you don't, no one else will. Let me ask you one question, young man, is little Sally, working in the Nike sweatshop number one? No, that's right son, her punch card reads number 248,000,011. If Ive done my math correctly, you seem to be off somewhere in the ballpark of 288,000,010, and the answer to this equation certainly does not involve a linear mass of young vagrants chanting outside of the buildings at this fine, honest institution. The movement died in the 60s. Quiet boy! The movements are all the same. The memos were sent out, the social and environmental problems rectified, stamped, sealed, and approved by our American government, lord bless it. Don't argue with your elders. There are documents to prove this, and no you cant see them. Its for your own protection. Just imagine what would happen if the terrorists got their hands on them. I think the historians would nod in agreement when I tell you that large packs of rebel-rousers have never once positively impacted this altruistic and already flawless system. It would draw a tear to the eyes of your forefathers if they knew that the ungrateful youths of today were attempting to question the democracy that they fought so hard to put in place. Young Edward Rutledge would turn in his grave, his grave, boy, if he knew that signing that Declaration of Independence would eventually lead to a society of ingrates like yourselves. Defecting from Great Britain is one thing, but questioning America, why, that is just disrespecting the dead. Son, don't try to tell me that you are trying to save lives, it is a commonly accepted truth that war casualties are for the greater good. You've got the devil in you child, and an unpatriotic one at that. What exactly are these other classes teaching you anyways? Too many international professors trying to poison our children with anti-American slander, disguised as cultural understanding, if you ask me. What next? You'll try to tell me that I should just roll over and let some undocumented, uncivilized, extra-terrestrial take away the fine, well paying jobs clearly reserved for American citizens, my brothers and sisters? Well, that is just enough young man. Enough. I don't know what kind of rebel-red, Stalinist scheme you've got up your sleeve son, but it sure as hell wont get you out of missing lecture. Next time, you come to class. You sit quietly, work vigilantly, and then maybe, just maybe, you can become one of the shiny, prized cogs, in this well-oiled machine. You are free to go now; and Ill let you off with just a warning, but next time, I will have to take five points off of your final grade.
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